Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
