Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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