In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
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I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
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My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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