He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
