I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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