If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Randomize
