Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Found your dick twin last night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
