i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Enjoy the penises
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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