dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
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He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
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There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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