Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
