I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
