Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
how does that bad decision feel?
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