ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
