i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
