You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
