Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
