Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
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I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
as a side note pls kill me
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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