Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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