When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So vagazzling was a success
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
