proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
