...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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