i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
