I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
