I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
