I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
