its not stalking. its research.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
