God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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