Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
