my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
