Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
