"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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