Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
