your room smells of hookers.
And success
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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