I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
