So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
