he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
