I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
