I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
