I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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