How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
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reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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