hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
