i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
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