note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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