There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
