i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
