my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
