So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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