You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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