Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...

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(614): View more from Ohio

If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?

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(520): View more from Arizona

just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF

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(925): View more from California

Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.

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(940): View more from Texas

it's like heaven, but drunker

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.

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(949): View more from California

It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?

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(+27): View more from South Africa

Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.

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