How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
