He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
