she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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