you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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