just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
