last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
