true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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