Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
