How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I puked a lego.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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