at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
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We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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