Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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