are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
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Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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