i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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