Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
