I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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