Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
