I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
