Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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