Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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