All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Found the puke drawer
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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