i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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