I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
