Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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