Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
