Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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