Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
