new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
