drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
