remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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