Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
