He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
