I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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