The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
