Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
