She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
