have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
