I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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