He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
